This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize