you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
