Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
this beer tastes like vomit already
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
