i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
