Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
