Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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