i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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