I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Alive.
So much puke
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
