I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize