This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
