She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
