somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
