I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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