Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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