Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
