Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize