He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
