its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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