I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
