Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
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