Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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