It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
What a dumb baby whore.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Randomize
