was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
