You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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