True but thats because hes a fetus.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
