Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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