I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
