he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
