so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Enjoy the penises
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
