just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
