I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
