Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize