I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
