So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
