i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
