No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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