In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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