So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
