everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
this boner is exhausting
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
