The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize