Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
