Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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