every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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