he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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