So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
