FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
