It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
