She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
