We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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