I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
