marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
