we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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