i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
