I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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