"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
