just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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