I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
