I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
