You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
