Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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