Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Is Oprah even human
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
