I should be sponsored by Trojan
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
