Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My ATM looks so different sober.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
