What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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