drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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