Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize