It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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