nut hugger
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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