I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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