it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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