There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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