yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
