I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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