you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
