I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
