would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
