did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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