She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
