Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize