Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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