it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
