Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
