How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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