So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
