You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
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