i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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