hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
