We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
