heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Drake has all the answers
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
