I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
