On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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