What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
