if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
