i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
