the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize