you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
