splinters make it hard to masturbate
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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