i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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