It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
