i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
