hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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