That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
