as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
