literally had 100 drinks last night.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize