Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Let's get the cat blown out
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
