my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
