The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
