Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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