Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
