i wish my penis had a tongue
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
