She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize